lather, rinse, repeat

Curses for Disobedience

Mosesmindsoap - deuteronomy, obey or else has a few more divine and compassionate punishments lined up for those [slaves] that failed to joyfully obey the word of his God.

… if you do not obey the LORD your God, to observe to do all His commandments and His statutes with which I charge you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you.  Deuteronomy 28:16

Cursed is everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of Law  Galatians 3:10

Even the Apostle Paul jumped in and backed up Moses.

.

If you failed to follow ALL of the Christian God’s commandments and statutes…  ALL of the following curses will come upon you:

 

First Up, Your Kitchen Utensils? Harsh.


Cursed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.  Deuteronomy 28:17

.

Your Children, Your Health, Your Crops, and Animals are Screwed


Cursed shall be the offspring of your body and the produce of your ground, the increase of your herd and the young of your flock.  Deuteronomy 28:18

.

Cursed Entrances and Exits


Cursed shall you be when you come in, and cursed shall you be when you go out.  Deuteronomy 28:19

.

Don’t Bother Running


The LORD will send upon you curses, confusion, and rebuke, in all you undertake to do, until you are destroyed and until you perish quickly, on account of the evil of your deeds, because you have forsaken Me.   Deuteronomy 28:20

.

Pestilence


The LORD will make the pestilence cling to you until He has consumed you from the land where you are entering to possess it.  Deuteronomy 28:21

.

Disease


The LORD will smite you with consumption and with fever and with inflammation and with fiery heat and with the sword and with blight and with mildew, and they will pursue you until you perish.  Deuteronomy 28:22

.

Imprisoned in a Giant Metal Half Sphere?


The heaven which is over your head shall be bronze, and the earth which is under you, iron.  Deuteronomy 28:23

.

Climate Change


The LORD will make the rain of your land powder and dust; from heaven it shall come down on you until you are destroyed.  Deuteronomy 28:24

.

Enemies Will Defeat You


The LORD shall cause you to be defeated before your enemies; you will go out one way against them, but you will flee seven ways before them, and you will be an example of terror to all the kingdoms of the earth.  Deuteronomy 28:25

.

Animals Will Eat Your Corpse


Your carcasses will be food to all birds of the sky and to the beasts of the earth, and there will be no one to frighten them away.  Deuteronomy 28:26

.

Physical Mutilation


The LORD will smite you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors and with the scab and with the itch, from which you cannot be healed.  Deuteronomy 28:27

.

Insanity and Blindness


The LORD will smite you with madness and with blindness and with bewilderment of heart and you will grope at noon, as the blind man gropes in darkness, and you will not prosper in your ways; but you shall only be oppressed and robbed continually, with none to save you.  Deuteronomy 28:28-29

.

Your Wife Shall Be Raped and You Get an Eviction Notice


You shall betroth a wife, but another man will violate her; you shall build a house, but you will not live in it; you shall plant a vineyard, but you will not use its fruit.  Deuteronomy 28:30

.

No BBQ For You


Your ox shall be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will not eat of it; your donkey shall be torn away from you, and will not be restored to you; your sheep shall be given to your enemies, and you will have none to save you.  Deuteronomy 28:31

.

Forced to Watch Your Children Enslaved


Your sons and your daughters shall be given to another people, while your eyes look on and yearn for them continually; but there will be nothing you can do.  Deuteronomy 28:32

.

Strangers will Eat All Your Food and Take Your Stuff


A people whom you do not know shall eat up the produce of your ground and all your labors, and you will never be anything but oppressed and crushed continually.  Deuteronomy 28:33

.

Insanity 2.0


You shall be driven mad by the sight of what you see.  Deuteronomy 28:34

.

Physical Mutilation 2.0


The LORD will strike you on the knees and legs with sore boils, from which you cannot be healed, from the sole of your foot to the crown of your head.  Deuteronomy 28:35

.

You and Your Leader Go On a Trip


The LORD will bring you and your king, whom you set over you, to a nation which neither you nor your fathers have known, and there you shall serve other gods, wood and stone.  Deuteronomy 28:36

.

You Become a Kardashian


You shall become a horror, a proverb, and a taunt among all the people where the LORD drives you.  Deuteronomy 28:37

.

Farmville Is Not For You


You shall bring out much seed to the field but you will gather in little, for the locust will consume it.  You shall plant and cultivate vineyards, but you will neither drink of the wine nor gather the grapes, for the worm will devour them.  Deuteronomy 28:38-39

.

The Olive Garden is Now Closedmindsoap - deuteronomy, olive garden


You shall have olive trees throughout your territory but you will not anoint yourself with the oil, for your olives will drop off.  Deuteronomy 28:40

.

Even More Slavery for your Children


You shall have sons and daughters but they will not be yours, for they will go into captivity.  Deuteronomy 28:41

.

Insect Invasion


The cricket shall possess all your trees and the produce of your ground.  Deuteronomy 28:42

.

Republican Nightmare!  Foreigners Have More Authority Than You


The alien who is among you shall rise above you higher and higher, but you will go down lower and lower.  He shall lend to you, but you will not lend to him; he shall be the head, and you will be the tail.  Deuteronomy 28:43-44

.

Try Not to Look Surprised


So all these curses shall come on you and pursue you and overtake you until you are destroyed, because you would not obey the LORD your God by keeping His commandments and His statutes which He commanded you.  Deuteronomy 28:45

.

Everyone Will Know What You Did Last Summer


They shall become a sign and a wonder on you and your descendants forever.  Deuteronomy 28:46

.

You Were Not Joyful in Your Obedient Slavery


Because you did not serve the LORD your God with joy and a glad heart, for the abundance of all things;  Deuteronomy 28:47

.

Slavery and Bondagemindsoap - deuteronomy 28 48 slavery


Therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the LORD will send against you, in hunger, in thirst, in nakedness, and in the lack of all things; and He will put an iron yoke on your neck until He has destroyed you.  Deuteronomy 28:48

.

Foreign Invasion


The LORD will bring a nation against you from afar, from the end of the earth, as the eagle swoops down, a nation whose language you shall not understand  Deuteronomy 28:49

.

You Get No Respect


A nation of fierce countenance who will have no respect for the old, nor show favor to the young.  Deuteronomy 28:50

.

All Gone


Moreover, it shall eat the offspring of your herd and the produce of your ground until you are destroyed, who also leaves you no grain, new wine, or oil, nor the increase of your herd or the young of your flock until they have caused you to perish.  Deuteronomy 28:51

.

Town Walls Get Demolished


It shall besiege you in all your towns until your high and fortified walls in which you trusted come down throughout your land, and it shall besiege you in all your towns throughout your land which the LORD your God has given you.  Deuteronomy 28:52

.

Eat The Kids


Then you shall eat the offspring of your own body, the flesh of your sons and of your daughters whom the LORD your God has given you, during the siege and the distress by which your enemy will oppress you.  Deuteronomy 28:53

.

Become an Asshole, Then Eat the Kids, but Don’t Share


The man who is refined and very delicate among you shall be hostile toward his brother and toward the wife he cherishes and toward the rest of his children who remain so that he will not give even one of them any of the flesh of his children which he will eat, since he has nothing else left, during the siege and the distress by which your enemy will oppress you in all your towns  Deuteronomy 28:54-55

.

Spouse Abuse, Then Eat the Kids in Secret


The refined and delicate woman among you, who would not venture to set the sole of her foot on the ground for delicateness and refinement, shall be hostile toward the husband she cherishes and toward her son and daughter, and toward her afterbirth which issues from between her legs and toward her children whom she bears; for she will eat them secretly for lack of anything else, during the siege and the distress by which your enemy will oppress you in your towns.  Deuteronomy 28:56-57

.

Plague-O-Rama


If you are not careful to observe all the words of this law which are written in this book, to fear this honored and awesome name, the LORD your God, then the LORD will bring extraordinary plagues on you and your descendants, even severe and lasting plagues, and miserable and chronic sicknesses.  He will bring back on you all the diseases of Egypt of which you were afraid, and they will cling to you.  Also every sickness and every plague which, not written in the book of this law, the LORD will bring on you until you are destroyed.  Deuteronomy 28:58-61

.

Nobody Left


Then you shall be left few in number, whereas you were as numerous as the stars of heaven, because you did not obey the LORD your God.  Deuteronomy 28:62

.

God Gets Off On Your Misery


It shall come about that as the LORD delighted over you to prosper you, and multiply you, so the LORD will delight over you to make you perish and destroy you; and you will be torn from the land where you are entering to possess it.  Deuteronomy 28:63

.

Go Away and Worship Some Other Gods


The LORD will scatter you among all peoples, from one end of the earth to the other end of the earth; and there you shall serve other gods, wood and stone, which you or your fathers have not known.  Deuteronomy 28:64

.

No Peace of Mind


Among those nations you shall find no rest, and there will be no resting place for the sole of your foot; but there the LORD will give you a trembling heart, failing of eyes, and despair of soul.  Deuteronomy 28:65

So your life shall hang in doubt before you; and you will be in dread night and day, and shall have no assurance of your life.  Deuteronomy 28:66

In the morning you shall say, ‘Would that it were evening!’ And at evening you shall say, ‘Would that it were morning!’ because of the dread of your heart which you dread, and for the sight of your eyes which you will see.  Deuteronomy 28:67

.

Just Kidding!  Come Home as a Slave


The LORD will bring you back to Egypt in ships, by the way about which I spoke to you, ‘You will never see it again!’ And there you will offer yourselves for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but there will be no buyer.”  Deuteronomy 28:68

.

Bonus Curses!


Cursed is the man who makes a carved image of a molten statue.  Deuteronomy 27:15

Cursed is the man who moves his neighbor’s boundary mark.  Deuteronomy 27:17

Cursed is he who leads a blind person into the street.  Deuteronomy 27:18

Cursed is he who distorts the justice due an alien, orphan, and widow.  Deuteronomy 27:19

Cursed is he who strikes his neighbor in secret.  Deuteronomy 27:24

Cursed is he who takes a bribe to strike down an innocent person.  Deuteronomy 27:25

Cursed for not following the law.  Deuteronomy 27:26

.